8 Not-So-Stereotypical Things Every Girl In Her Early 20s Should Know

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It's Not Just What You Know, It's Who You Know

Hello everyone! It's been a while since I wrote my last article! Well, sort of. My last article was actually PUBLISHED on Elite Daily. If you would like to read it (which I really hope you would), please click HERE! :)

The ONE Thing You Should Change This Year --- Your Mindset

Why aren't I happy? This is a question that keeps some of us awake at night or plagues us in our dreams. It seems like there is always something in the way, making happiness just out of out of reach. There is just one more thing we have to do before we are FINALLY happy! Or is there?

 

 

The Problem.

So you're unhappy. But why? You wanted to graduate, you graduated. You wanted a new hair style, you got it. You wanted a new job, you're working it. You wanted a paycheck, you received it. You wanted a girlfriend or boyfriend, you're dating him/ her. Hundreds of times in your life you got everything you wanted... and somehow you're STILL unhappy.  The problem is not that you're unsuccessful or unmotivated. It's your mindset.

I get it. You're upset. Many people are, so you shouldn't feel alone. But, because you're not 100% sure why, you come up with reasons for why you are. It's easy to come up with reasons as to why we are in the dumps because heaven forbid we admit to ourselves there is actually something wrong! So we play the blame game with our circumstances. It must be my job. It must be my marriage. It must be my finances. It must be my friends. I think you get the picture. So as soon as these things change, you should be happy... right?

 

I'll be Happy When __.

After we nail down the issues we believe are the cause, we tend to say "I will be happy when.... *insert thing here.*  When I get paid, I will be happy. When I get married I will be happy. When I do this or that... I will FINALLY be happy. We always think that for some reason that when we accomplish something, that we will suddenly be happy. We hold a false hope that somehow this next thing is going to make things better.  Which, it isn't wrong to think that it will bring happiness at all. But, it's temporary happiness. Although we would LIKE to think that it will bring permanent happiness, that is not how things happen. If the world worked like that, then we would already be happy! Not to mention, there would never be any point of working for anything else! Once you say " I will be happy when *insert name here*, and meet that goal... you will just create another. It's an endless and unfulfilling cycle.

Don't get me wrong. When I think my problems are environmental, I get the heck out of there. Yes, my next paycheck will cover my rent. Awesome! If I am bored with my hair, I will change it!  It's always good to be happy about things like that! It's getting stuck in the mindset that things will get better after  ___ that will get you into trouble.

The Solution.

I know this sounds crazy. But, you are your own solution. The solution isn't to think "I'll be happier when..." The solution is to humble yourself and admit you have been creating your own agony through your own thinking. No, I am not discrediting your circumstances. I can guarantee you're probably going through a lot. But, very frequently you are getting what you want. (paychecks, a new job, winning a tournament, a good grade) No matter how long you have been down, no matter what your circumstances are, the second you realize that it's simply your own thinking that is pinning your depression down, well, you are on your way to a better and more fulfilling life. I am not saying that you will never be happy after you accomplish certain goals.  In fact I am saying the opposite. Instead of thinking " I will be happy when..." think "I am happy and thankful now, but this next goal will give me something else to be proud of! " Sure, it's not as catchy of a phrase as "I'll be happy when", but it's certainly a better way to think!

 

 

 

A permanent change in mindset will have permanent effects on everything you do. If you keep on thinking you will be happier after____, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. I am not being a pessimist. But, let's be real here. Things go wrong. Set your goals, accomplish them, be happy and thankful, but do not bank on the idea that it will change your circumstances completely.

Changing your circumstances isn't the answer to your problems. If that was the answer, chances are, you would be happy already! But it might just be possible that changing the way that you think of your circumstances, is the answer. Keep moving forward. 2013 might not have been such a bad year after all.

7 Reasons to Compliment Total Strangers

Hey you! You look great today! Yes, you!

Now'a'days, we live in an increasingly insular society. Anywhere you go, you see people plugged into their phones, e-readers and magazines. Head to the mall or starbucks and you’ll be hard-pressed to find anyone who wants to talk with, look at, or even open the door for you. And that’s totally cool because we do it too!  But the people and activities we love always get prioritized above the general public. Here are some compelling reasons why you should consider reaching out to strangers — not just to speak with them, but to compliment them.

1. You know how great it feels when a stranger compliments YOU.

It's always nice when your aunt or your bestfriend tells you that you have a gorgeous smile, or how that tux makes you look like a stud, or that your smile is contagious.  But, when a COMPLETE stranger takes a second to offer genuine praise to you, it feels wonderful! Can you imagine walking in a mall, and a stranger sees you, stops you, and says "Excuse me, but I couldn't help but notice you have incredible hair! It looks great! Who is your stylist?" Compliments from strangers stick! Consider the power you have to offer that to someone else.

2. The snowball effect is real.

When something happens, it keeps happening. Tune into any gossip column, and as soon as they get wind of something about a celebrity, it snowballs. Soon enough, every magazine is covering that same story, and the story continues. However,  compliments, admiration, and genuine appreciation can snowball, too. You can’t change how the world works with one compliment, but every little bit of positivity can help. 

3. You never know whose crappy day you might change.

Offering a compliment to a stranger is a gift, no matter what. But because you’re reaching out to someone whose background is a total mystery, you never know how powerful your offering might become. That guy whose sweater you complimented? He could’ve been on his way to a big job interview, and your words may have shored his confidence. That girl who you told had great style? She could’ve been feeling like she wasn't good at anything. That boy you said had a great smile? He might have low self esteem. There’s no guarantee, but your act of kindness could be a total day-maker, and for all we know, it could even save a life.

4. Karma is real.

Even if you don’t believe in Karma in the original, reincarnation-related sense of the word, consider this: Those who pour nothing but negativity into the world are unlikely to be rewarded with gobs of love and kindness and success. Giving out compliments opens you up to receiving them. In fact, if you hand one out to a stranger and you might get one back right away.

5. You’d make your grandmother proud.

Being friendly with strangers is becoming an “old world” behavior, which means that it carries an elegance that most people find admirable. If you want to exude sophistication – and know that, somewhere, you gran is beaming at you – offer kind words to a stranger.

6. You might connect with someone totally amazing (or at least find out where she got her stuff).

Compliments are conversation starters! If the girl sitting next to you on the airplane is wearing a pretty bracelet, tell her so. Maybe she made it, or maybe she got it on sale and will tell you where to grab one for yourself. Maybe it’s an heirloom from her grandmother who was the queen of something. Maybe she’s allergic to it, but wants somebody else to have it. Who knows! Compliments are door-openers and can lead to fascinating conversations with marvelous people.

7. Tiny acts of bravery can lead to bigger ones.

You might not feel strong enough to quit your terrible job or chop off all your hair or move to a new city. Not today. But bravery is like a muscle: If you stretch it and build it up, it grows! Speaking with strangers can feel daunting, but if you push yourself to overcome that fear, your overall bravery level will rise. Soon you’ll be going to movies by yourself, taking dance lessons, flirting with ease. And, eventually, leaving behind your awful job and spent city in your bold new ‘do.

WARNING: I don’t advise handing out compliments to just anyone. If someone is giving you a crazy look or simply throws off a scary vibe, then don't do it!  Use good judgment and select your strangers wisely. But once you’ve glimpsed someone who has a marvelously intricate hairstyle or an enviable pair of shoes, and once you’ve decided she/he is a safe bet, take a chance. It could lead to great, great things. For both of you. :)

Socialing--- What Is The Point Of Virtual Relationships? & Are They Wrong?

"Socialing" --- [So-shul-ling]

So… socialing. What is it?

The other night, I was talking over dinner with some friends when an interesting conversation struck. My friend threw out this term he calls “socialing”. Or a “virtual relationship”. The conversation came about because he was frustrated by a girl he is talking to. They snapchat, facebook, text.... and everything. But, she never seems to want to hang out in person. She keeps sending him these mixed signals and he can't be sure why. She flirts the night away with him, but when it comes to actually hanging out, it's like he asked her the UNTHINKABLE. So what exactly is really going on here?

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In this modern society, social media plays a huge part in our every day lives.  And it’s increasingly becoming a large part of our relationships-- including romantic relationships.

Say you were “talking” to somebody you were potentially interested in.  You snapchat, facebook, like eachother’s posts on instagram, text, you name it! But are you dating? One of you might say yes and they other might say no. Namely because you- aren’t- actually- seeing- each-other- in- person.

Now you two TALK like you would be dating. Call each other cute, talk about your days, and so much more. But…without the commitment. No real date has been had. So does that mean it’s not a real relationship even though you talk to each other 24/7 via virtual-reality? Well, if it’s not a relationship, then what is it? And why do you do it? Because frankly, one of you is probably getting very annoyed by the mixed signals.

How far can it go before it is considered a “relationship”? I mean come on, you’re practically doing everything a couple would do except for the fact that you’re not seeing them in person. Why do you want this virtual relationship in the first place? Is it a relationship at all?

Yes.
Yes it's a relationship because you're devoting a large chunk of time for them and are essentially treating them like a partner.  Just because you don't think of it as a relationship because you're not seeing them in person, I would say you're wrong. If you are going to set aside that much of your time and go out of your way to flirt with that person all day, you better dang well consider it a relationship or  at least something of the sort. An F'ed up relationship to say the least, though. You can at LEAST pay them the decency of seeing them in person or go on a date instead of leading them on. ONE of you deserves to actually move on. And if you just want to continue to do this weird-ass social media/ text only thing, here are my predictions as to why you're doing that.

 Now, you might not relate to ALL of these, but you probably can relate to at least one.

Here are some possible reasons for it:

1.   You have commitment issues: Sure, you might find that person attractive, but lets face it. You don’t ACTUALLY want to date them.

2.   You desire attention: You might not want to date them, but you know you like the attention.  If you think I’m wrong because you think it’s not for attention, feel free to reflect on the snapchats you’ve sent him or her recently.

3.   It's convenient for you: You can talk to this person anytime you want without the bother of meeting up with them for a real date.

4.   You're insecure: You’re a cooler person via social media.  You’re less shy, you can edit your pictures, you can look up jokes on the spot….  You’re afraid that the person you are online is much cooler than the person you are in well… person.
5. You're lonely: This one can kind of go hand in hand with wanting attention and being insecure. BUT, because you're talking virtually, this gives you the ability to talk to more than one girl or guy at once. So you're never "lonely", and you're constantly feeling some sort of comfort because you feel as if these people really care.

But, Is it Cheating?

This thought leads to my next question. Is it considered cheating when a person that is in a relationship “socials” with someone else that’s not their significant other? (besides “friends” of course) Do you even talk to your significant other as much as you talk with this other person? 

For example:

If you’re a straight male in a relationship with a girl, where is the line drawn? Are you snapchatting another girl? Texting another girl and calling her cute?  Liking her photos on instagram...? All while you already have a girlfriend? If you are…. Is this cheating? I mean granted,  you haven’t done anything. But just because it’s virtual, doesn’t mean it’s not real. You still said those things to a real person. And just because you’re not planning on seeing her, doesn’t make the situation less real.  Even if you haven’t said anything “bad”, you are well aware that you probably wouldn’t say those same things to a person you would consider “just a friend”. So are they “just a friend” or are you leading them on just because?

Therefore, this question goes for everyone: When is the line drawn when it comes to social media or texting? If you’re in a relationship and you’re doing these things, why do you do it? Do you want attention and compliments from somebody else because you are insecure? Am I simply over-analyzing the idea at hand? Or are you single and talking to another single via social media and text with no intention on actually spending real time with them? What is your reasoning for socialing? Does the other person know that you have no intention of ever dating them? If not, you should probably tell them because though this fun flirt game works now for you, I guarantee it won't always. 

“Socialing” is kind of a strange thing no matter what end of the spectrum a person is on. Single or not,  it's a question to think about. Are you socialing with somebody right now that you don't plan on hanging out in person with? Or are you socialing with someone that is not your girlfriend or boyfriend? 

When is the line drawn? And what is it all for? Well, I hope I answered that for you.

Appreciate Who You Are Now - Change Is Coming

As I was pulling out of my driveway and headed to Florida for a summer internship, I didn't really think that my life was about to drastically change. With my belongings packed, I waved goodbye and left. I never thought that would be my last time living at that house, permanently. Nor did I think I was leaving behind who I was... permanently. 

Photo: Me and my little sister

The Unexpected

Upon leaving this summer, the original plan was to go to Florida for a summer internship, work my butt off, really figure out what I wanted to do with my life, come home, and then go to school in the fall. But, life happened. The internship and the summer part went as expected. It was the not-returning-home part that wasn't expected. Hell, I don't even know when I am going to see my family next most of the time anymore. It was a big decision. A very hard decision nonetheless because I had this idea in my head of how my life was going to be for the next six months. I absolutely had to make a choice (due to many reasons I won't get into.) It was most certainly the RIGHT decision. I had to do what I had to do in order to make things work. I am amazed at how quickly my life is changing, how I am rising up in the media industry, in my career, in other jobs, and so much more! Not to mention, my opinions on SO MUCH have changed. It's so strange to think that only 4 months ago I was the nervous college student going off on an internship, and now I'm the confident (still technically a college student), woman who has her grabbed her career by the horns and is taking off. My life is changing every second and I'm very excited about that! Then, I reflected on who I was just 4 short months ago.

photo: An interview I had with Jake Miller

Miss Who You Were

I've started to miss who I was. Not because I was a better person or anything or liked my life more. But, because times were just different. I worried about different things, I thought different thoughts, my priorities were different, and even my friends were different. I realized that I will never again be the same way that I was right then at that moment. I literally feel like I have aged 5 years in 4 months. The person you are  RIGHT NOW is going to be a different person than you will be in a few months. I can almost guarantee it. Will you even have the same interests? Friends? Opinions?  I didn't really get the time I wanted to enjoy who I was because I thought I would move back after the internship and I would go about life the way I had planned. I "expected" my life to change. But how QUICKLY it changed, how MUCH it changed and the WAY it changed is a different story. I am happy with who I am right now. Very happy. But, I miss who I was, too. I wish I would have appreciated who I was at the moment it was happening. However, I didn't think that things were going to happen this way.

These Are The Good Days

So many times I look back at old photos and think "Those were the good days. I wish I knew that at the time." Well, now is your time to realize it. These are the good days, too. 

As you are reading these words, take a moment to appreciate who you are right now. Who are you friends with? What are your opinions on religion and politics? What is your favorite color? In a few months, maybe even weeks, perhaps even tomorrow... you could think differently. You will never be exactly the same person as the person you are at this moment. It's sort of an overwhelming thought, I know. Appreciate who you are right now, even if you don't necessarily "love" everything about your life or your circumstances. Because one day you will realize that it was all worth while, and you might just wish you had appreciated it more when it was happening. 

Sometimes, you will find yourself in a season of change. You might not even know it's coming, either. I mean heck. I planned on moving back to Michigan and carrying out my plans. But, that's not what happened. I live across the country now, you know? Sometimes I still can't believe it.... change arrives so fast sometimes that you don't even know it's happening until you're staring at yourself in the face and you're unrecognizable. Not in a bad way. In a good way. Appreciate each day as it happens, because life can change in the blink of an eye. These are the good days. 

Why You Need To Make The Most Out Of Your Free-time

What will you do with the time you have left over?
Because honestly, there might not be much time.

This is crazy that I stumbled across this video,really. Well, not really because there are millions of views. But, you get the gyst. I truly was thinking about this today though. The thought "How can I live my life to the fullest?" "How will I spend my free time?"

Probably more than I should, I think about my mortality. I am going to DIE, and I can't do anything about it. Everyone I know and love, including my pets are going to die. It will happen whether I like it or not. So what makes this video even more powerful is the fact that they disect each part of our lives and show our alloted free time, assuming we are going to live however many years. In reality, we don't really know how long we have to live. I could get in a car accident today and die. I could trip going up the stairs tomorrow and die. I could literally just be going about my day and die for what seems like no reason. I could be walking down the street and get hit by a car. Stupid shit. You know? This video got me thinking, how the heck can I make the most of my free time.

It sucks, sorta. That my life seems to be consumed by work or school. And when I finally get home, all I want to do is sleep. But, this video put some things into perspective for me. Free time. Precious, precious free time. Who should I be spending it with? Where am I spending it? And what can I do to make it... better?