Socialing--- What Is The Point Of Virtual Relationships? & Are They Wrong?

"Socialing" --- [So-shul-ling]

So… socialing. What is it?

The other night, I was talking over dinner with some friends when an interesting conversation struck. My friend threw out this term he calls “socialing”. Or a “virtual relationship”. The conversation came about because he was frustrated by a girl he is talking to. They snapchat, facebook, text.... and everything. But, she never seems to want to hang out in person. She keeps sending him these mixed signals and he can't be sure why. She flirts the night away with him, but when it comes to actually hanging out, it's like he asked her the UNTHINKABLE. So what exactly is really going on here?

---------

In this modern society, social media plays a huge part in our every day lives.  And it’s increasingly becoming a large part of our relationships-- including romantic relationships.

Say you were “talking” to somebody you were potentially interested in.  You snapchat, facebook, like eachother’s posts on instagram, text, you name it! But are you dating? One of you might say yes and they other might say no. Namely because you- aren’t- actually- seeing- each-other- in- person.

Now you two TALK like you would be dating. Call each other cute, talk about your days, and so much more. But…without the commitment. No real date has been had. So does that mean it’s not a real relationship even though you talk to each other 24/7 via virtual-reality? Well, if it’s not a relationship, then what is it? And why do you do it? Because frankly, one of you is probably getting very annoyed by the mixed signals.

How far can it go before it is considered a “relationship”? I mean come on, you’re practically doing everything a couple would do except for the fact that you’re not seeing them in person. Why do you want this virtual relationship in the first place? Is it a relationship at all?

Yes.
Yes it's a relationship because you're devoting a large chunk of time for them and are essentially treating them like a partner.  Just because you don't think of it as a relationship because you're not seeing them in person, I would say you're wrong. If you are going to set aside that much of your time and go out of your way to flirt with that person all day, you better dang well consider it a relationship or  at least something of the sort. An F'ed up relationship to say the least, though. You can at LEAST pay them the decency of seeing them in person or go on a date instead of leading them on. ONE of you deserves to actually move on. And if you just want to continue to do this weird-ass social media/ text only thing, here are my predictions as to why you're doing that.

 Now, you might not relate to ALL of these, but you probably can relate to at least one.

Here are some possible reasons for it:

1.   You have commitment issues: Sure, you might find that person attractive, but lets face it. You don’t ACTUALLY want to date them.

2.   You desire attention: You might not want to date them, but you know you like the attention.  If you think I’m wrong because you think it’s not for attention, feel free to reflect on the snapchats you’ve sent him or her recently.

3.   It's convenient for you: You can talk to this person anytime you want without the bother of meeting up with them for a real date.

4.   You're insecure: You’re a cooler person via social media.  You’re less shy, you can edit your pictures, you can look up jokes on the spot….  You’re afraid that the person you are online is much cooler than the person you are in well… person.
5. You're lonely: This one can kind of go hand in hand with wanting attention and being insecure. BUT, because you're talking virtually, this gives you the ability to talk to more than one girl or guy at once. So you're never "lonely", and you're constantly feeling some sort of comfort because you feel as if these people really care.

But, Is it Cheating?

This thought leads to my next question. Is it considered cheating when a person that is in a relationship “socials” with someone else that’s not their significant other? (besides “friends” of course) Do you even talk to your significant other as much as you talk with this other person? 

For example:

If you’re a straight male in a relationship with a girl, where is the line drawn? Are you snapchatting another girl? Texting another girl and calling her cute?  Liking her photos on instagram...? All while you already have a girlfriend? If you are…. Is this cheating? I mean granted,  you haven’t done anything. But just because it’s virtual, doesn’t mean it’s not real. You still said those things to a real person. And just because you’re not planning on seeing her, doesn’t make the situation less real.  Even if you haven’t said anything “bad”, you are well aware that you probably wouldn’t say those same things to a person you would consider “just a friend”. So are they “just a friend” or are you leading them on just because?

Therefore, this question goes for everyone: When is the line drawn when it comes to social media or texting? If you’re in a relationship and you’re doing these things, why do you do it? Do you want attention and compliments from somebody else because you are insecure? Am I simply over-analyzing the idea at hand? Or are you single and talking to another single via social media and text with no intention on actually spending real time with them? What is your reasoning for socialing? Does the other person know that you have no intention of ever dating them? If not, you should probably tell them because though this fun flirt game works now for you, I guarantee it won't always. 

“Socialing” is kind of a strange thing no matter what end of the spectrum a person is on. Single or not,  it's a question to think about. Are you socialing with somebody right now that you don't plan on hanging out in person with? Or are you socialing with someone that is not your girlfriend or boyfriend? 

When is the line drawn? And what is it all for? Well, I hope I answered that for you.