Why aren't I happy? This is a question that keeps some of us awake at night or plagues us in our dreams. It seems like there is always something in the way, making happiness just out of out of reach. There is just one more thing we have to do before we are FINALLY happy! Or is there?
The Problem.
So you're unhappy. But why? You wanted to graduate, you graduated. You wanted a new hair style, you got it. You wanted a new job, you're working it. You wanted a paycheck, you received it. You wanted a girlfriend or boyfriend, you're dating him/ her. Hundreds of times in your life you got everything you wanted... and somehow you're STILL unhappy. The problem is not that you're unsuccessful or unmotivated. It's your mindset.
I get it. You're upset. Many people are, so you shouldn't feel alone. But, because you're not 100% sure why, you come up with reasons for why you are. It's easy to come up with reasons as to why we are in the dumps because heaven forbid we admit to ourselves there is actually something wrong! So we play the blame game with our circumstances. It must be my job. It must be my marriage. It must be my finances. It must be my friends. I think you get the picture. So as soon as these things change, you should be happy... right?
I'll be Happy When __.
After we nail down the issues we believe are the cause, we tend to say "I will be happy when.... *insert thing here.* When I get paid, I will be happy. When I get married I will be happy. When I do this or that... I will FINALLY be happy. We always think that for some reason that when we accomplish something, that we will suddenly be happy. We hold a false hope that somehow this next thing is going to make things better. Which, it isn't wrong to think that it will bring happiness at all. But, it's temporary happiness. Although we would LIKE to think that it will bring permanent happiness, that is not how things happen. If the world worked like that, then we would already be happy! Not to mention, there would never be any point of working for anything else! Once you say " I will be happy when *insert name here*, and meet that goal... you will just create another. It's an endless and unfulfilling cycle.
Don't get me wrong. When I think my problems are environmental, I get the heck out of there. Yes, my next paycheck will cover my rent. Awesome! If I am bored with my hair, I will change it! It's always good to be happy about things like that! It's getting stuck in the mindset that things will get better after ___ that will get you into trouble.
The Solution.
I know this sounds crazy. But, you are your own solution. The solution isn't to think "I'll be happier when..." The solution is to humble yourself and admit you have been creating your own agony through your own thinking. No, I am not discrediting your circumstances. I can guarantee you're probably going through a lot. But, very frequently you are getting what you want. (paychecks, a new job, winning a tournament, a good grade) No matter how long you have been down, no matter what your circumstances are, the second you realize that it's simply your own thinking that is pinning your depression down, well, you are on your way to a better and more fulfilling life. I am not saying that you will never be happy after you accomplish certain goals. In fact I am saying the opposite. Instead of thinking " I will be happy when..." think "I am happy and thankful now, but this next goal will give me something else to be proud of! " Sure, it's not as catchy of a phrase as "I'll be happy when", but it's certainly a better way to think!
A permanent change in mindset will have permanent effects on everything you do. If you keep on thinking you will be happier after____, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. I am not being a pessimist. But, let's be real here. Things go wrong. Set your goals, accomplish them, be happy and thankful, but do not bank on the idea that it will change your circumstances completely.
Changing your circumstances isn't the answer to your problems. If that was the answer, chances are, you would be happy already! But it might just be possible that changing the way that you think of your circumstances, is the answer. Keep moving forward. 2013 might not have been such a bad year after all.
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